Kids who trick their parents...Parenting with Love & Logic

Some kids trick us into thinking that poor parenting practices work. These sweet, docile youngsters almost always behave, even when we've fallen into habits such as lecturing, threatening or rescuing. Before long…if we're unfortunate not to have another child who is strong-willed…we begin to believe that all is right with the world.

Or is it?

Some children come out of the womb holding doves. Nobody really knows for certain why, but these kids are wired to please others. In fact, they even want to please us when our skills hit the skids.

Am I the only one whose skills ever go down hill?

Here's the problem:
Easy-going kids act out just as much as strong willed kids.
They just do it on the inside…or put it off until they're young adults.

In my work as a therapist, my office was filled with nice kids whose inner lives were in turmoil. Since they didn't want to offend their parents, they simply suffered with anxiety, self-doubt, and depression.
Our world is also filled with young adults who were so sweet as kids that they never learned to think for themselves. Oftentimes, these young people have mid-life crises at 20.

In Jim Fay's CD, Four Steps to Responsibility, he teaches a process for helping kids develop good thinking skills and self-esteem. Key to this process is encouraging them to make decisions, allowing them to make small mistakes and letting them see that they have what it takes to succeed.

If you can get your easy-going kids to make at least one small mistake this week, my mission in writing this tip has been accomplished.

Thanks for reading!
Dr. Charles Fay